ok...

at the risk of sounding emo, im going to venture a trip into the realm of just talking without a filter for once.

ok so im a college student, in the metro plex area
big whoop
i go the college at southwestern in fort worth
thats a select few but still, no big deal
i go to wedgwood baptist church
big chuch, amazing, but way bigger than im use to
i have friends, we hang out, they are amazing
but everyone else has friends as well
so where does the individuality come in? i mean when you look at it i am just a normal dude in dallas, going to college. but when its just me. just me inside my brain, why do i feel so alone?
i mean ive delt with this pretty much for the majority of my life. and even in feeling alone, im not the only one. but why, do i always feel so cut off from the ones that i love, and that love me.

ive got amazing people surrounding me, almost constantly. but still i cant help but read into every little thing. using it to form this kind of conspiricy theory of how no one actually likes me, but deep down they hate me and want nothing to do with me.
but i still want to believe that none of it is true.
i think it all started when i started having these moments. moments of realization. like id be doing everyday mundane things but then id get a rushing feeling of knowledge of my place in the universe. thats horrible way of explaining it but thats all i got

its more like realizing that you in fact exist
and more than half of the time its followed by the realization that i, in fact, suck at life

so then i go into this selfish pity party, then when i realize that im being selfish, i just sink farther.
the easiest way to pin point when im feeling like this is when i dont go hang out with friends.
the second i dont show up at your house to hang out. boom. you should know and it sucks cause i know that all i takes are my friends to kind of coax me out of this but when they dont call i just sink that much futher into myself.
well there you go
its 1:30am and im sounding way too emo for my own good
dueces